Where has this year gone?

So I've started my days off and am now able to enjoy a little over three weeks off.  No obligations!  Annual leave means that I am not able to be work even if I wanted to! 

So I intend to use these couple of weeks to get the house back under control but also relax with my boy.  This will be the longest time we've had off together since I was at uni.

Feeling better today than I have since the grading.  I'm rested but I'm also finally recovered after Thursday night's .  Ended up needing 2L fluid IV on top of things.  (Love that I can self diagnose and self-correct in this job!).  So, things should be all good for Christmas.

Although I've been training on and off these last two weeks it has been hard with work meetings, fatigue and being sick so I am looking forward to getting back into the game.

Oh for the non-Facebookers amongst you, this the public to the photo album from my nidan grading.

Back on track, I finally got myself some new shoes to play with and they are very funky if I don't say so myself!




Got them for a killing at DFO. Normally $300 but down to $120 on Sale!  Love them! They feel great!  So they are my new all purpose shoe.  Hopefully they will stand the test of time and the brutality of some outdoor training.

What else is new?  Not a great deal actually.  My lovely big sister is pregnant again and I have been watching her go through all the various stages of growth again.  I got to see the ultrasound picture the other day.  I am just amazed by just how far technology has advanced and the clarity at which we can see a tiny little baby inside.  They say that perfection is impossible to obtain but I can't help but feel that the foetus inutero is perfection.  Unadulterated.  Untouched. Protected from everything that is wrong with the world.  Beautiful.  My new niece/nephew is beautiful.

The next couple of months will be an exciting time, full of anticipation for this new arrival and one little girl will be doing even more growing up as she becomes a big sister!  I am so proud of her and I am so proud of my sister. She is an amazing mother and I can't verbalise how much I admire her strength, energy and focus in moulding such a happy and intelligent little one.  I can only hope that one day I can do the same...

On that note... it is getting kind of hot  in here.  Time to vacate to the airconditioning I think!

I shall leave you with a visitor.

Hell yeah! There is no greater compliment!  That's me on the left above... part way through kankudai.

So, after nine years of training in GKR, I have finally achieved nidan.

My first grading to shodan-ho was in 2005.  Although I didn't feel worthy or ready (not assisted by being told that if I had a bad day I'd fail) I felt that I performed well on the day.  July 2007 was shodan and this time I felt ready to grade but didn't perform well and hence, felt undeserving.   This time around I think I struck the better balance.  I admit that I would have liked to be better and didn't feel at the standard of old school nidan but I think for me I was good for it.  I also felt like I performed pretty well and the overhwelmingly positive feedback has helped to cement that feeling.

This time round I wasn't anywhere near as nervous as previous times and with eight other contenders, it helped to disperse the focus somewhat.  The grading followed a format similar to that previously observed under S. Gavin and was largely comprised of basics with small combinations. There was nothing overly challenging in terms of complexity but after 3.5 hours pulling out all stops, I was absolutely shattered.

Everything was working for me mentally though which I think is what carried me from saifa onwards... about the point I realised that I was both fatigued and running on a general lack of blood sugar. From there it was a matter of getting through one kata at a time.  At some point during this process I decided that I was never going to go through this process again.  A little later I decided that if I didn't pass I wasn't even going to bother trying again.   It was torture.  I felt absolutely terrible...lethargic and sick.  Every part of my body was telling me to lie down.  Despite that, I apparently did just fine and the little I've seen as far as photgraphic evidence (as above) seems to support these claims! 

Kumite was the last hurdle and at that point I was glad that I had JS there to dress me while I chewed up Glucodin tablets with water as I was tremoring furiously and barely able to function through the fog. Did the trick as my brain cleared during my second easy round enough to start moving again.  I got four rounds with managers interspersed with peers and I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed it.  S. Gary first, S. Gavin next, S. Craig and a second session with S. Gary.  First round was great despite ending up on the ground a number of times.  S. Gavin was next and I was just determined to keep my head on my shoulders!  Got socked a great one in the stomach (bruised the actual organ) and had to take a moment to recover from the winding but aside from that felt I held my own reasonably well. S. Craig was tricky... it was if his guard was just everywhere and I had enormous difficulty landing any techniques. He subsequently socked me in the jaw and wiped the floor with me.  By the end of trying to chase him around I was wasted so round two with S. Gary was shocking.  He kept nailing me in the guts with a front kick and looking at me as if to say "Aren't you going to do something about that?".  I knew what I was supposed to do but my body was too tired to carry it out with any kind of speed or strength.  Still had a great time though! 

By the finish, I had nothing left.  I had a pinched nerve in my neck and again felt ghastly.  All I wanted to do was lie down. Felt like an eternity leading up to our certificates and at the point I knew deep down that I was going to be fine.  S. Gavin started talking about something along the lines of strong and focused young lady... things are a tad fuzzy post kumite... I thought it was either going to be me or N and was chuffed when he announced me!  I received a lot of positive feedback from the other RM folk too but I couldn't tell you what was said.





My gi was soaked... I couldn't even stay upright while S. Gavin talked about how being a nidan puts us in the minority etc.  But I came away feeling like I earned every last bit of that grade. 

Wasn't really all too aware of what was happening around me during the grading so will be curious as anything to see the video that C has made.    Oh that and the photos from JB as well!

Went to senior training up the coast last night, my first physical acitivty since the grading.  There I was... the highest graded person in the dojo for the first time ever.  The first time I've done bow in and out.... The little things.   I'm feeling really relaxed and for the first time, I wasn't worried about performing to a standard...like I had to be something awesome just because I graded.  Guess that is the real mark of confidence and readiness.  Only wish we weren't winding up for the year so soon. 

Found out the best piece of positive feedback from S. Gavin... "She's got guy snap."  Yeah... I finally nailed it and 18 months of hard work has paid off!

So I've been away for a little while. This last week had been a busy... well perhaps long is more accurate because I did spend many hours on the park bench outside the hospital waiting for time to go by until another crew arrived. Anyhow... the typical day involved:

04:50 - Wake up, get dressed, devour a quick snack.
05:20 - Out the door to the morning's exercise activity.
05:50 - Start another UBLTP workout.
06:30 - Complete workout, race to the car and hoon home.
07:30 - How that I'm heading back out the door after showering, dressing and cooking oatmeal.
08:00 - My long day begins...
09:30 - Bed management meeting
20:00 - Flee the hospital
20:40 - Arrive home, prepare lunch and uniform for the next day and shower.
21:45-22:00 - Head hits the pillow to do it all again...

The weekends were a little easier because Saturday was a 05:50, Sunday off and for work both Saturday and Sunday were 10:00 starts.

Funny how I treat 24 hours time like a second language.  I see 21:00 and still find my internal dialogue going. "21 hundred... nine o'clock". 

Anyhow, I was quite suprised at just how well I coped with the week and just how much energy I had despite the long days and sleep deprivation.  Sunday I was feeling tired and yesterday I was just exhuasted! Had a good long nap during the day and feeling much better today.

Feeling a tad overloaded though because I have a whole lot of and , not to mention  coming up as well...   Then there is the issue of the black belt grading.

This will be Sunday night's activity.  Again, not impressed with it being on Sunday night because it won't finish until 10pm in all probability. After that there is travel time back to the northside, eating and showering before bed.  I don't see myself in bed before midnight and then we've got to be up again at 5am.

Mentally, things aren't so hot.  I made a video of all my kata and I can say that I am decidedly unimpressed. I wanted to be hot but I am not feeling like that is what is happening at all.  I am not concerned about failing and I am confident that even if I only get sent for assessment (I'll know tonight), that I'll come away victorious but I am not liking this average thing. Hence, after this is all done I am just going to focus on being the best that I can be and leave it at that... enjoy training for a bit.

The only issue that I have is that I'm building a bit of a negative mental snowball which I'll need to destroy by the time Sunday comes around...

Perhaps I am just hung up on pre-conceived ideas from the past. Most of all it is important for me that I am good enough in the boy's eyes... I didn't realise how much weight that bore until this morning.  He says I have a negative mindset.  I don't have a negative mindset but I do have very high expectations and am prone to punishing myself severely if unable to meet those expectations.

Speaking of expectations...  we had the second fit test yesterday.  Apparently, the 200m (estimated) dash didn't take 1:31 last time but rather 31s.  Overall, there wasn't much change and I didn't quite break even with the exception of pushups which rocketed from 33 to 50 in the minute.  Initially, I was devastated but after time I realised that the program hasn't exactly been hard for me.  It wasn't really until this last week that I started to get challenged so it isn't surprising that I've not had results from it.  Just means it will be another aspect I can't win from on Friday.

I guess that is it for now...