So I've been away for a little while. This last week had been a busy... well perhaps long is more accurate because I did spend many hours on the park bench outside the hospital waiting for time to go by until another crew arrived. Anyhow... the typical day involved:

04:50 - Wake up, get dressed, devour a quick snack.
05:20 - Out the door to the morning's exercise activity.
05:50 - Start another UBLTP workout.
06:30 - Complete workout, race to the car and hoon home.
07:30 - How that I'm heading back out the door after showering, dressing and cooking oatmeal.
08:00 - My long day begins...
09:30 - Bed management meeting
20:00 - Flee the hospital
20:40 - Arrive home, prepare lunch and uniform for the next day and shower.
21:45-22:00 - Head hits the pillow to do it all again...

The weekends were a little easier because Saturday was a 05:50, Sunday off and for work both Saturday and Sunday were 10:00 starts.

Funny how I treat 24 hours time like a second language.  I see 21:00 and still find my internal dialogue going. "21 hundred... nine o'clock". 

Anyhow, I was quite suprised at just how well I coped with the week and just how much energy I had despite the long days and sleep deprivation.  Sunday I was feeling tired and yesterday I was just exhuasted! Had a good long nap during the day and feeling much better today.

Feeling a tad overloaded though because I have a whole lot of and , not to mention  coming up as well...   Then there is the issue of the black belt grading.

This will be Sunday night's activity.  Again, not impressed with it being on Sunday night because it won't finish until 10pm in all probability. After that there is travel time back to the northside, eating and showering before bed.  I don't see myself in bed before midnight and then we've got to be up again at 5am.

Mentally, things aren't so hot.  I made a video of all my kata and I can say that I am decidedly unimpressed. I wanted to be hot but I am not feeling like that is what is happening at all.  I am not concerned about failing and I am confident that even if I only get sent for assessment (I'll know tonight), that I'll come away victorious but I am not liking this average thing. Hence, after this is all done I am just going to focus on being the best that I can be and leave it at that... enjoy training for a bit.

The only issue that I have is that I'm building a bit of a negative mental snowball which I'll need to destroy by the time Sunday comes around...

Perhaps I am just hung up on pre-conceived ideas from the past. Most of all it is important for me that I am good enough in the boy's eyes... I didn't realise how much weight that bore until this morning.  He says I have a negative mindset.  I don't have a negative mindset but I do have very high expectations and am prone to punishing myself severely if unable to meet those expectations.

Speaking of expectations...  we had the second fit test yesterday.  Apparently, the 200m (estimated) dash didn't take 1:31 last time but rather 31s.  Overall, there wasn't much change and I didn't quite break even with the exception of pushups which rocketed from 33 to 50 in the minute.  Initially, I was devastated but after time I realised that the program hasn't exactly been hard for me.  It wasn't really until this last week that I started to get challenged so it isn't surprising that I've not had results from it.  Just means it will be another aspect I can't win from on Friday.

I guess that is it for now...