So, after what seems like an eternity, I have returned to cyberspace and am developing some sort of life routine. The days are long but yet very busy. Commuting all the way to south side for visits to my PT tends to absorb much of the day.

I love "our" house and for the most part, things are in their place and organisation is better than ever before. There are still a few things in boxes in the garage and the spare room is a large wardrobe at this time but I have made it an objective to get that cleared up by the time my holidays are completed.

I am enjoying not being at work. At the moment, I don't ever want to go back. I suck at the work thing. How sad it that instead of the career driven when-will-I-have-time-for-family doctor person I thought I'd be instead, I've wound up a paramedic who would rather be a house wife. Ah well... I'm sure over the next 2.5 weeks I shall eventually get bored and want to go back to work. Ha ha.

Not much else to say... I'm not one for recollection where emotion does not persist.

I guess more of this story will come out over time. :-)

That would be about the most accurate way to describe how I feel at the moment. I'm absolutely stuffed. I got up early for gym and have been going ever since. I don't know where I would be right now if I'd had to work...

My sweetheart awoke sick during the night, burning to touch and quite diaphoretic. This would be the first time I've seen him bed ridden. He's normally a physiological fortress where as I end up in bed for days. It did prompt me to get a tympanic thermometer. I wanted one like at work but the chemist I showed up at only had the one... I'll live. The fever wasn't as bad as it felt but he was wiped out. He'd wanted to help but even if I'd let him he'd not have lasted so I spent most of the day furiously packing and cleaning and even made two trips all the way to the house and back.

Turns out his mother is also unwell... Tomorrow will indeed be an interesting day and I am beginning to feel terribly stressed and martyr like at the moment.

Diet has been less than ideal and I allowed myself bread and butter. By dinner I was ravenous and forgot about the melted frozen veg and ended up with another super carb meal. I feel nasty. Can't wait to get moved and return to a more normal life. I'd like to eat an apple right now but I'm too full. Where is my healthy food! Gah! Hooray for oatmeal though... Will have to do that again when milk returns! :-)

Tomorrow, I'm going to start with an early morning run and then hope that it all works out from there. We need to move the furniture but also dump the large items (e.g. broken office chairs), dump the garbage and do a Vinnies run or possibly Cash Converters. All in all, everything big moved before 4pm, everything else out for cleaning on Sunday and most definitely by Monday afternoon when the carpet cleaners make an entrance. *sigh*

I guess I will be signing off her for a little while. It could be a week, it could be more. Hopefully, not too long and hopefully also with good news.

I actually listened to the doctor's advice and downed a fistful of Temaze before bed last night. I still woke up but I don't really remember doing so except for the early hours of the morning. I also felt much better toady.

Signed up for broadband1 with iinet and so hopefully should be back up and running on Tuesday or Wednesday... with much faster speeds!

I went to the dump. I like going to the dump. It is a male dominated environment and I like showing off how I can reverse my car using only my side mirrors. Problem is that I reverse and leave enough space that I can open my back doors and get the stretcher out... The stretcher I don't have when I am not at work! lol! That's alright. Those same men help me back it up a bit further. ;-)

I enjoyed throwing my garbage bags as far as my arms would let me.

I did something else tonight. I returned my instructor gear. I realised tonight that it was time. I was ready to really let go. I even returned my ID card this time. I threw out every last bit of my GKR folder. All the terminology sheets, grading slips etc. Everything. I even gave away my orange and yellow tape. Now I can really say that I have moved on... I walked into the dojo one last time and I didn't feel a shred of regret or doubt. Only pride for what I had achieved in the last months. I am happy and secure. :-)

Now, the highlight of my day was getting to finally go back to our house for the first time since we signed the form offering our financial futures to the owners. It is always different when its empty but as I walked through, I knew it was right. I felt it. Everything was just bigger and better. There were good things I hadn't seen the first two times. Then I reached the two smaller bedrooms. One was pink and the other yellow. I looked at the giraffe wallpaper, the animal pictures and netting they'd left behind and I realised that was going to be my baby's room.

It was a completely overwhelming feeling and spent the next 15 minutes crying with elation. My home is perfect. I wonder what it is that I have done to deserve such a reward. What more could I ask for???

I am ever so grateful to the previous owners too. They left behind a few bits and pieces to help us including weed killer, paint, matting, tiles, potting mix, home pest control etc. There was also a really lovely hamper with a note which I've not yet had a chance to read. I just feel so privileged and thankful in a way that I can't adequately express in words. This is a memory I wish to hold on for a long time to come...

Acopia - 'The word that people in my profession, unprofessionally give to people like me when they fail to function appropriately under everyday situations'.

I've been growing increasingly stressed. Today was major break down number one. Why? Because some stupid old bat manning the phones in Department of Transport decided that any answer that I provided to place of birth question was not specific enough. So there I was squealing the details of my birth certificate down the phone before she transferred me off to some other woman with a special title. I am sure in reality it was hand off because this idiot doesn't understand that some things don't need to be verbatim and couldn't handle a psychotic sounding young woman yelling and crying down the phone. Of course, the other lady managed to do it all first time without any dramas and by this time I was a disorganised blubbering mess. Talk about being in embarrassment to myself.

I know that had I been in a better frame of mind then I would have been fine. I would have become annoyed at worst but certainly not thrown myself off the deep end. I found myself not much feeling like calling anyone else after that...

I could say a few things about Telstra right now with their stupid cost saving fibre optic rubbish which basically disables us from getting ADSL2+. Of course neither Telstra or Optus service our area with cable either. So... I am hoping to pay a few $$ extra and get semi amped up dodgy old ADSL.

On a random deviation, we went to sick little paediatric last night. 20 m/o 2/7 hx of illness, seen by GP and dx w/ common cold. Pt was fine and then suddenly erupted into a tonic clonic seizure last ~10/60 and still fitting on our arrival. Pt is febrile at 38.6 but not anywhere near hot enough to cause a febrile convulsion let alone continuous seizing.

I suction out her airway, apply an oxygen mask and get the parents to go about the task of stripping the child down and applying wrapped ice packs to axilla & groin. The seizing continues and I realise that I'm going to have to give her some Midazolam. While my poor student is running around in circles with each demand, the ICP arrives which takes the pressure off. We ended up administering 2.4mg IMI which seems to be effective. As the tx crew are about depart, she is still unconscious w/ trismus but not seizing any longer.

I can only wonder just how those parents would have been feeling, seeing their unconscious child seizing and not having a clue what was going on... I am sure their worry would have had to be more intense but I was feeling the stress myself knowing just how long the seizure had been lasting. It is different with children. It is difficult to detach and there is so much more pressure to get it all right.

I knew when we walked in the door there was something wrong. Windmills on the street aren't uncommon but when people start moving (throwing) tables and chairs and any other obstructing object to clear a path for you, it just screams of sick person.

Anyway, we have some house keys. It is all ours.... I'm excited but I'm stuffed. I want it to be over.

This is one activity that I've felt has been regularly overwhelming. I frequently get the desire not to deal with it anymore and have all remaining items disposed of... Of course, this is not the answer.

I have managed a couple of garbage bags worth of junk though from old karate belts to lecture notes and assignments. My discipline this time around has been pleasing. My charity pile is almost full too. Every draw in my desk now has space in it! Still so much to do and the house looks bombed.

Reverted to a bit of emotional eating yesterday, something which is quite unusual for me. But the straying was limited to small number of dark choc goji berries, a single ferrero rondnoir and a standard serve of apple pie. But it was all I needed. :-)

Yesterday fought the urge to find something else to do and went back on to high speed interval. Did a repeat of an alternation between 150:150 and 150:200 at 15km/hr. Got through ok so I think it is time to try 200s.

This morning I got out and did an RPM class. I've really gotten used to having the convenience of training at home except when with my PT. I wasn't feeling overly keen but got out and did it anyway. Did take me a while to warm up and the first part of the class was pain. Felt a little bit rusty bit enjoyed myself. Really think I need to try and put these session in more frequently for a bit of variety.

Found myself feeling inexplicably disgusted at one particular person in the class this morning. Looking around there was a fair mix. The usual die hard cyclist or wannabes who wear riding gear and post themselves as close to the instructor as possible, a few fit looking people in for the cardio, a couple like myself with a bit more to go and a good number of obviously overweight folks doing the hard yards. Then there was this one girl who was already obscenely lean and probably wouldn't know the definition of body fat if it leaped up and stick its finger up her nose. Her lean physique was not what bothered me. It was the total lack of effort applied. The rest of us are killing ourselves and she barely trying. The little judgemental part of me believes a person who already quite naturally has the perfect body has no right to park their tiny but in a room of people who are chasing such an ideal and then do sweet bugger all. It is insulting.

While the rest of us staggered out covered in sweat, this petite statue was seen drier than sandpaper making useless motions on one of the elliptical machines. My brain is screaming "Get out of here! Stop wasting your time and money on a gym membership and making a mockery of all those who are actually doing it for real!".

/rant

Going to get social today and meet up for a park BBQ. I've tasked my brain for self control mode. Tomorrow it will be up to me to get the pre-settlement inspection done and some additional running around. May also duck up home to drop off some of the perishables which are fated to failure due to our limited consumption capacity this week.

What a disgusting day... It is hot and muggy. Of course I've just realised that is usually the lead up to a storm and of course BOM says we'll have rain for the next two days. Glad I got the washing done today. Although would have liked to get the rest of the gis and the bed sheets done. Oh well. One day I'll have a drier.

I've been packing. Not brilliantly. It is hard to get my head into this stuff when it is just sooo hot! Every box gets a break. Nearly exhausted the good ones from the garage so will have to get some from the storage place soon. Yuck... stupid heat.

Worked out this morning. Had a terrible sleep with random dreams. Felt tragic when I woke up but managed a good session anyway. Increased weight on my Hungarian split squat to 11.5kg. Body is looking a bit strange. I've got some muscle happening but the fats not melting quite as fast. On the good side, I lost a 2cm from chest, 1cm from waist and 5cm from hips in the last month. Should learn how to measure that myself.

Also signed up for broadband. http://iinet.net.au/products/naked/plans.html If all goes well we'll be on Naked DSL home plan 2 the week after we've moved. Much cheaper than the larger competitors but I guess they have more upfront fees. It works out a heck of a lot better with iinet over the long term.

Anyway... should probably go hang up the gis and get on with some more boxes...

What a week it has been... Four days have passed and I'm barely connected with Monday.


Highlight of my week... LHMU march at George St. One a handful of ambos out to protest the QLD government offering of a poxy 3.25% wage increase. Thank you Mr. Roberts for believing that a sub-inflation level wage increase is a "reasonable offer". How much are you getting paid??? Why do you think it is fair that the paramedics who are on the front line, making decision, working long hours without meal breaks or down time and still savings lives are paid less than nurses, doctors and every other entity within the health profession?? Why is it acceptable that we are paid less than our interstate counterparts??



I can't say I'm struggling. I can't say that the union is accurately portraying our situation either. However, I am angered by the lack of wage balance as a trained professional. Where to from here???

Anyway, had a great time at the march and got to participate in the full 1.5 hour show. There is something quite addictive and liberating about protests. Can understand why it used to be a more common occurrence. Even picked myself up a cool (I'm sure someone will kick me for saying that) LHMU cap which has now become the best quality cap that I own.

The day brought other highlights as I took advantage of the work shirt ban. It felt a bit like free dress day at school. Gives a bit of a different atmosphere and with my pigtails I had the oldies asking if I was 16. There is a reason why I don't do that regularly. ;-) Also had a play with the old paper ARF. Definitely over that within 5 mins of use... The codes were a pain but it was largely the different mindset. That was one part that I won't miss.

This week saw my first use of the new Mercedes Sprinter. I had been reluctant to get into the thing but the situation was thrust upon me as I found us to be the only qualified crew to use the thing. The car is good and drives like a breeze. Hello real suspension! The stair chair is another long overdue improvement. The stretcher is the problem. It is a great deal more manoeuvrable but there is a lot more lifting involved and the action required to secure the legs is counter intuitive. Not to mention the half height is taller than the average small granny that we go to and so they have to try and leap on to the thing. Ah well... As long as I don't end up with an injury I can focus on the many benefits.

It has been a rather tiring week. As it draws to a close I've been growing increasingly fatigued and stressed. I've had a few dodgy moment with my student. Sometimes I am really not a good mentor but that is primarily related to my own personality flaws. My students is great. She will make a good paramedic and is picking things up very quickly. I need to remind myself just how new she is to the whole game sometimes.

From an exercise perspective I've found that the after work sessions haven't been great. I much prefer the mornings. I have come to the realisation though that I may well encounter some difficulties once we move. I guess I'll have to cross that bridge when I get there. Had a rest day today because every bit of my body has been telling me I'm tired for the last two days. Tuesday night's cardio did not reach full potential and my arms failed my bench press last night. But my grip strength is getting stronger so I have something to be proud of... Same routine as last time except that I hiked up to 30 mountain climbers off the bench and dropped back to 30kg for last set on bench press. That may have been more related to the new stretcher actually...

Been pretty good with my diet this week and have been ravenous the last two days. Slowly working my way through the fridge so there is as little as possible left by the end of next week. Otherwise, the switch from wheat germ to unprocessed bran has resulted in a gain in fibre content and a much happier gut situation.

The next couple of days will be busy again. Early gym session tomorrow, next dress fitting later in the morning, visit to the storage place for boxes, start packing and try organise broadband with iinet seeing Optus freaked out about fibre optic cables. lol. Packing, packing and more packing. I feel stressed just thinking about it...

Two entries in one day... wow...

The end of the day has come and I have now got a new plan of attack for the week ahead. Primarily this involves making sure that I'm eating at 3 hours rather than 2hrs 45mins. I'm not sure how much of a difference that 15 minutes makes but if my metabolism is not yet where it needs to be then I might have been throwing more food on top of undigested food resulting in fat. Think I will also have to cut the last meal on afternoon shifts and replace with a protein shake. I prefer food due to the thermic effects but after a late night wakening, I suspect it is hanging in my stomach and not doing a great deal. See how that goes.

Today we travelled to the in-laws' place to discuss plans for the next couple weeks. We had a BBQ. I wasn't very good with the self control factor and basically had to get my calorie deficit from a combined upper body weights session and cardio. But, how much did I enjoy that steak! Wondering if perhaps I've been a little too tardy with my iron supplements. I was raised a vegetarian and never really enjoyed meat but today's steak was divine!

Had a good weights session despite today's generalised extreme fatigue.

• Dumbbell Press - Increase reps from eight to 12, 11 and seven. (11.5kg)
• Dumbbell Fly - Three sets of 12 reps on 8kg. Increase next session.
• Shoulder Press - Increase reps from 3 x eight to 2 x nine and 1 x eight on 8kg.
• Side Raises - Three sets of 12 reps on 3.5kg. Increase next session.
• Single Arm Dumbbell Row - Three sets of 12 bilateral reps on 13.5kg. Increase next session.
• Narrow Lat Pull Down - Three sets 12 reps on 26kg. Increase next session.
• Lying Tricep Extensions - Increase from eight reps to 2 x 12 and 1 x 10 on bar + 2kg.
• Bicep Curl - Increase from eight reps on 6.5kg to 2 x 12 and 1 x 8 on 6.5kg.
• Cross Body Hammer Curl - Established 22, 20 & 15 reps on 8kg.

Feeling a lot more comfortable with my program now. I'm able to push myself to the point of failure and work up a good sweat. I'm finding that I'm also better able to utilise a whole body tension approach and also concentrate on the primary muscle in use. Noticing my core is also stronger.

Cardio component was me being a bit silly. My aim was to burn off 300 calories. 35 minutes of moderate intensity intervals did that. My calf muscles were oddly sore after karate last night. Not sure the reason but it did make things a little more difficult in terms of recovery. 8km/hr is now a little bit slow so I can look to bump things up next time and go a 7,9,10,11 cycle.

On a more personal note, I started on Nuvaring yesterday after a suggestion from my doctor. Hello libido... where have you been these last couple years??? I loved Yasmin because it helped me to lose weight. The change alone brought a loss of a couple kgs but it did some damage in a few other areas. I'm hoping the ridiculously low dose of Nuvaring will mean I can undo some of that. Will need to keep an eye on the weight and my mood in general, but so far so good. Unfortunately, it is pretty damned expensive. ~$70 for three rings. Ouch! As much as I'd like to do the usual skipping game it might be a tad too draining on the finances. Will play it by ear for the moment though...

Anyway, enough for today. Feeling a tad unwell actually. Rest day tomorrow I think.

I need a holiday.

It has been a bit of a long week and my work hours seem to have effectively knocked out four days of my life.

Went to karate last night. It is amazing just how much more I enjoy myself now that I've finally managed to detach from it. Every time I do train I notice the difference in my strength and fitness levels. I can do the warm up laps without feeling wasted. I can get low in stances and maintain the depth without finding it taxing on my legs or cardio. I can do kata without finishing like I've just been for a run. I have the energy to run and do the fitness activities. I can push kumite a lot harder because my cardio is in much greater shape. I've been left behind in terms of skill level there but I guess I am not all too worried. :-)

Gym has also been pretty good and have increased my weights for a few activities.

Tuesday

• 35kg bench press - 6 reps (think only managed four in final set)
• 12kg bent over dumbbell rows - ?8/10 reps
• 20kg static dumbbell lunges - 8 reps bilaterally
• mountain climbers off stability ball - 20 reps
• squats & incline push ups for warm up

Thursday

• 30kg incline bench press - 6 reps (4 on last set) - hard!
• 20kg Romanian dead lift - 8 reps
• 10kg Bulgarian split squat - 8 reps bilaterally
• 15 learner chin ups (i.e. bar at thigh height, feet flat on ground, hips lifted high and chin up action w/ arms)

Had a bit of a moment this morning. Have paid the consequences of last Saturday's eating indiscretions and didn't cope quite so well. But there could be a couple of other factors contributing to the week's weigh in...

Working with my new student has been good. I do enjoy working on an all female crew. My student is keen and a fast learner which has made things much easier. We've also not had anything too difficult, although there have been quite a number of rather random jobs.

Industrial action continues... Monday will bring a stop work rally from midday to 2pm, a ban on work shirts and a reversion to the old paper ARF. Industrial action protection ceases at midnight on Monday though so I assume negotiations will start again after that. Hopefully, we get the rise we are asking for.... Can only hope. We should at least be keeping up w/ inflation even if they insist on keep us as one of the lowest paid professions. :-S