So, I picked up this really nasty bastard Trojan called Rapid Antivirus. This has been one heck of a hard piece of work to beat and I've been doing work on it daily since last Tuesday.

First the thing pops up a few porn links on your desktop which upon deletion, instantaneously reappear. They're also setup such that they can't be rename or the destination link altered. After that, it brings up a popup on the task bar telling you that your computer has been infected either with itself or with other fake items. It dresses in Windows Defender getup to try and look legit. Paying attention to this sucker causes it to install the full blown program which then asks you to hand over money to remove itself. You can "uninstall" but it isn't really gone and if ignore continues to create error messages about viruses and other fake safety concerns. It even generates a false blue screen of death and pretends to shut your computer down.

But it gets better. Rapid antivirus then hijacks your browser. In the full blown hijack mode it basically prevents you from going to most websites, either redirecting you to something different somewhere within where you'd like to go or otherwise redirecting to a blog entitled "Why I hate Spyware". The makers of this little beast have done some research into the methods which are most commonly used to wipe out their little Trojan and extended its functionality such that it can prevent the two programs that will find and kill it from installing or running on the computer. Of course, the other eight programs I used didn't quite remove the whole thing.

I had managed to chop it down a fair bit. No registry entries (or so I thought), no porn links, no task bar annoyances, no error messages, no false blue screen of death and a semi functional browser. The semi functional bit was the last clue. I still couldn't access the Malwarebytes website along with anything that seemed to have a definitive answer to solving the problem and a few other randoms such as neopets (WHY?). That and when I did get my hands on a copy of Malwarebytes install program through other sources, it wouldn't open.

Fortunately, a clue from one site I did have access to and a little bit of the know how meant I could get it to work and sure enough, a stack load of DLLs and another two registry entries (one to kill my active desktop and the other to keep itself alive) were found and destroyed!

My goodness... the run around has been awesome. I've been installing all sorts of programs and looking at processes, active X, registry entries, combing dlls and jumping in and out of safe mode. Malwarebytes in safe mode was the absolute last line before a format and clean install of windows.

I may still do that anyway to clear out all the extraneous matter on the computer and speed her up but I didn't want to do that without first beating the virus. I'd done it once before but it was nowhere near this kind of drama! However, I can finally claim VICTORY!

In the meantime, I've got an infected callus on my hand (WTF?), I'm back at work and enjoying it, Christmas is tomorrow, my cousin found me on facebook, we got awesome cutlery from my sister's family for Christmas & a sandwich iron from mum & dad, I can now deadlift 80kg, got my interval timer & some interesting DVDs from ebay, got my favourite organiser diary for Christmas, finally used up the last of the Matrix Orange Cream and used our dryer for the first time!

Last few days before heading back to work again. Think I'm about ready to do that for the sake of getting into a pattern and being able to properly clamp down on the diet. Still having difficulty with the idea of launching straight back into DDNN configuration for goodness knows how many weeks. I'm sure I will get there and survive as in the past.

It is about time also to switch from house mode to wedding mode. I am rapidly running out of time to get things finalised and take care of those smaller details. If I'm not careful it will disappear all the quickly! Soon to be... Mrs...

Today had an absolutely killer kettlebell session. My legs are sore already and I am somewhat fearful of what tomorrow will bring. All high intensity interval work. I did pretty well all round but my technique tends to be less than desirable when I get too fatigued. Felt really good by the end though. Will have to start writing this stuff down in a special book so I can put my own combinations together.

Had been intending to run in the morning but I suspect that I may not be able to do that if my legs are too sore. Something to assess in the morning...

He's left to play with mates for the afternoon/night. I feel instantaneously lonely...

"What it all comes down to. Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine."

It has only taken me a month to work it out but at least I got there in the end. I guess the next bit is working out what to do about it.

We went out to a friend's 30th last night in the Stocks & Bonds of the Bank Vault Lounge. Really great night munching wood fired pizzas and mudcake, drinking cocktails and playing pool. Got home feeling painfully overfull but happy. :-)

Today, not feeling quite so brilliant. More from overeating than anything else. Only ended up having three and a half cocktails all up. I tried for a second Honey Bear but filled up on milk too quickly and my stomach refused to process any further. Ah well! Should be doing exercise or something but not in any mood or physical state that will allow for a happy performance. So, it will be fresh fruit and veg today with lots of water and sleep. Start again on Sunday and prepare for a return to work.

I think I am about ready to get into some kind of routine and hopefully, reach daily exhaustion providing sleep.

Wanted to add a little more to what I started but I haven't got my thoughts that well organised yet. Perhaps it all just didn't matter anyway. Trapped is the word of the day, brought to you by the dancing parabolas. (See link on lower right hand side).

We have new matching bedside tables. Better than a pile of books I say! Also got a hedge clipper, rake and a few other bits and pieces as part of combined birthday/housewarming gift. :-)

Been a hot and stinky day but a good one all round.

Got back into the interval training this morning and fortunately, everything went well this time. Went for a cold shake and didn't wait quite so long before hitting the treadmill. Finished up with a small service of silicone spray and now she runs whisper quiet! Didn't realise how much of a difference it would make.

Would have liked to do kata or kettlebells this morning but had a little too much to sort out before my mother in-law to-be came around. The morning exercise left me feeling much better today and despite feeling incredibly sore was keen to get on with the extra. Oh well. That will have to be Friday given no karate.

Out for dinner tonight at Vino's. Should be nice! :-)

Been feeling absolutely wrecked all day. Had intended to get up, do cardio and practise my kettlebells. No such luck. Went back to sleep. Felt foggy all day. Not sick. Just foggy and lacking in energy. Suspect I might have one of those virus things again... :-S

Was in a distinctly more placid mood today.

Went to karate tonight and issued myself the challenge of training in both classes. Success! It would be the second time when I was pushing really hard and normally at the point where there is nothing left but found I could keep going. So proud! Fitness has gone up a lot.

Worked hard and got a stack of great feedback - hooray! So, I've got a lot to practise now and over the holidays.

I like how sharp I am feeling but I am going to have to learn to relax a little. When I can do that everything will be even better.

Caught up with an old face from karate. It was like stepping back through time for the both of us. A lot has changed but a lot hasn't. :-)

I love how much I am enjoying karate. Just want it to keep up when I go back to work.

Oh and I am so pest controlling those stupid spiders tomorrow. Had enough of those webs popping up in a matter of hours so we can't walk safely around the perimeter of the house. Grrr...

That's all for tonight... Feeling great!

This is the truth. Up. Down. Up. Down. Happy. Monster. Happy. Monster. Tired. Monster. Tired. Happy. MONSTER. WTF??

Today, no one likes me. That's right. No one. Not even me.

I like Reflex Instant Whey. $155 for 4.4kg Best value of any protein powder I can get my hands on.. Tastes great too without too much random other stuff. Love that I can have it with water, mix it up 15 minutes before I start, train very hard and never feel like vomiting.

Bought a new flavour the night before last. We were going to stick with choc mint but they only had vanilla, strawberry or banana. Got a discount from buying lots at the GEN store at the gym. Not hard to do when protein costs that much in bulk. Anyhow, the guy there was sure that the strawberry had a very natural flavour and a lot of people liked it. He did also tell me that Matrix in orange cream flavour was good. Didn't really like that in water much. But fortunately, it is really quite tasty and a natural flavour indeed. Not too sweet and reminds me of strawberry paddle pop. Goes really well in the bulk natural Bornhoffen yoghurt that I get which will be good when the Matrix runs out. The choc mint didn't work in yoghurt. Oddly, the strawberry actually tastes the best in room temp water rather than cold.

Anyway, nothing more to add. Slow release Stilnox is not that much better than the ordinary stuff. I'm going to go distract myself with something useless.

Monster.

Sometimes it amazes me how life can be the same for so long and then just change in the blink of an eye...

Dojo got canned. Apparently, the powers that be have decided to finish us up a week early and then kill the second class next year. A decision which just cost a few black belts and an instructor. Not sure what to think or feel...

Aside from this, had a really good time last night. Things were working well and now that a few others have graded I get to play with my grade katas a bit more.

This morning had a change of plans and run through Thursday's kettlebell circuit with a few extra bits. Man makers were still killers but easier this time around. I really enjoy working with the kettlebells. They are versatile and I feel kind of macho. :-)

Speaking of macho... discovered while demonstrating how I can't do chin ups that I actually can! Not many, one or two good ones but that is an improvement on a couple weeks ago. I'm beginning to actually feel strong now!

Also, beginning to think that I might be seeing some rapid improvements in strength. Not sure if that is a product of the Andro Jack, ZMA & Methoxsyn or the addition of kettlebells or both. Starting to break out a bit which makes me think the Andro Jack is stirring as I've not had that happen quite like this since I was in high school. Will need to maintain observation.

Really enjoying karate at the moment. :-) Been spending some time in front of those DVDs trying to work out what the shoulders of GKR do so well. Starting to formulate an improvement plan of my own. Nothing like a bit of motivation!

Wow, feeling a tad bipolar today. One minute I'm high, the next I'm circling into a pit of self grrr...

Had a much better sleep last night but probably more out of sheer exhaustion. Still avoiding the Stilnox tablets and too afraid to try in case it mucks me up physically. I still have strong memories of being physically unable to keep up with the pace of pre-BB grading Nabil seminar. Was I really the most unfit person in the room of all the old and young etc? Probably good thing I didn't cause I'm sure I would have blamed this morning's performance on it.

I am beginning to suspect that I've amped things up a little quickly recently. My cardio absolutely sucked. Had a heck of a time getting to the end of my intervals. At the moment I can only attribute it to either fatigue or diet. I've pretty well returned to some kind of diet normality although not quite back measuring and planning in CalorieKing. This of course means tapering the carbs towards the end of the day to suit with activity levels. Although I get into the carbs in the morning before a work out, I am wondering if I am noticing a pattern...

Anyhow, got into my kettlebell homework after that and practised some swings, the windmill extensions and the bit where the kettlebell circles around the body. The circling bit was much better this time but it is definitely stressful on the arms! The faster the circle the harder I've got to work to keep my body still.

Opted out of cardio given training tonight. Figure tomorrow will be a rest day and then will have to consider Sunday. Would like to repeat Thursday's kettlebell session before next week but if I'm struggling from fatigue then I'd like get rested... What to do...

Today's title is brought to you by my home organisation efforts. :-)

I got my head down and cleaned up the garage. Again was feeling liberated because I not only shifted all the gym frames around by myself, I also reassembled the punching bag stand and hung the bag. Who needs men huh? So everything is now neat, tidy and organised with room for my car in case of hail.

Was also proud at my efforts on the bookcase. Worked out how to move the silver doodads with the aid of a wrench so that the shelves could sit a different height and fit the magazines and textbooks nicely.

I also consolidated his study clutter and the rest of his clothes in the spare room.

So, accomplished is how I am feeling today!

All that is left to do is organise pest control next week and relax before I head back to work and reorganise my life... yet again.

Barely had sleep last night. Fourth night in a row with these bizarro dreams and broken sleep. Apparently my subconscious is trying to communicate. Perhaps it should do that in language I can understand during daylight.

Mood has been all over the shop today and have swung between complete self loathing to the height of self confidence. Although appear to have stabilised with a bit of air conditioning and food.

Did some more kettlebell work this morning. I love these things! Finding it a heck of a lot easier to clean and rack them now. Starting to also feel much lighter. Revisited the windmills and now feeling much more confident with them after having a play on Sunday. Will probably repeat today's workout on Sunday and work on my specific homework tomorrow after intervals. Got to have a go at doing this exercise called the 'man maker'. I didn't think I was advanced enough for that yet, but as usual I was shown otherwise. Basically comprises of push up, bilateral renegade rows, burpee, clean, squat, press and repeat. Killer. But made it through 10 reps. Also learned how to do something else which I can't remember the name of other than it is an extension to the windmills. Found there is a surprising art to making circles with the kettlebell around the body. I have much to practise! I love just how much variety exists in training with kettlebells and just how easy, yet hard they are to use! I look forward to these sessions.

Tomorrow, I'm planning on some intervals, followed by kata and kettlebell practise. Been reviewing the kata DVDs. Yes, that music never gets old, particularly the twangy bits. See! (I'm sure whoever put this up is breaching some kind of copyright and will have GKR on their heads soon).



Anyway, the secrets of the universe hardly revealed themselves to me but I did pick up on a few bits and pieces to work on for the time being.

So, that be all for today.

Two entries in one day!? What is happening??!!! Nothing too exciting, just had share my achievement for the day.

I have officially acquired a new skill. Although at this stage my execution is not so skillful.

I got fed up with looking at the long grass and feeling like the street bogan so I taught myself how to use a lawn mower. For the large part, I managed to make the grass shorter and look much tidier. But this was not without my share of sweat, frustration, several stalls, lots of revving and a few choice words to mix it up. In the end, I was only really defeated by the stupid grass catcher which would not stay nicely attached to the machine no matter what I did with it. Unfortunately, I will have to consult him when he does get home as the instruction manual failed to shed any light on the reason for the failure.

Aside from the catcher, I found myself feeling quite liberated, despite not exactly approaching the job in the most economical way and occasionally forgetting all the requirements for starting the motor. Although, it is not something I wish to have to try and repeat in any great rush and not without a whipper snipper to conquer those edges.

I also dug out the little decorate rocks to clear the little wall hole and prevents termite infestation, used the secateurs to do the best makeshift hedge trim (bring on hedge shears), deposited ant sand into ant nest near wall hole and sprayed every bit of outdoors with Mortein Outdoor big killer stuff in an effort to control the rapidly breeding spider population until pest control.

Needless to say I'm feeling quite well accomplished and after a cold shower, am boycotting any further activity barring retrieval of the laundry and gis. :-)

Taking a break to blog up this morning. Feeling substantially better than I did when I first woke up. My sleep quality is still less than desirable at the moment. I had to mildly OD on Temaze in order to get a full night of sleep. The next day all I wanted to do was sleep and generally felt terrible. On the bright side, I am not waking up quite as frequently since that point.

Doctor has prescribed a slow realise version of Stilnox. Not exactly keen to get back into that stuff because I know I developed a tolerance quite easily and I seem to remember it not having great consequences physically. Although that may have been more related to fitness...

I am hoping to take a slightly more natural approach. A friend had recommended tribulus to me and after a bit of research, found myself in the realms sport supplementation. I went out to buy Andro Jack and came how with that plus a complimentary bottle of methoxsyn and ZMA. Although, how I am going to manage an empty stomach before sleep for the ZMA is something I am still trying to work out...

In theory the combination should improve sleep, increase energy and help to build lean muscle. Just starting with the recommended doses to begin with as I'm light and lacking the tonnes of muscle that the guy at the shop had! Can always work up from there. Just not keen to be downing half a bottle a day if I don't need to, especially when the big $$ is involved.

Anyhow, this morning's exercise incorporated the usual 20 min intervals with kata. Feeling sore and suffering a bit in terms of cardio today. Haven't quite recovered from kettlebells on Sunday and then did heavy resistance yesterday. Only did bench press and dead lifts yesterday but numerous sets of very light and then very heavy weight. Soreness...

I've tentatively decided that I'm going to have a stab at this nidan thing. WHY??? There is a challenge. I'm going to have to be good. :-D I'm going to have to train hard and be outstanding. I believe I can do that now. There is motivation and there is value in the end result. But a tentative decision because I need to see how things play out with work when holidays finish up. But I have some inspiration... a vote of confidence. From the greatest insult to the greatest compliment. I believe he is right. From here it is largely about my head space.

I need some sleep!

Found myself at the black belt grading for the first time in a while. It was an interesting show although three and half hours of sitting on a wooden seat and waiting an eternity while the shoulders discuss kata is not my idea of a good time.

Sensei Gavin appears to be genuinely interested in what is going on which makes a very positive change. However, as before, it would appear that unless attempting nidan or above (times apparently have changed) there is not the greatest deal of attention paid and your passage is pretty well guaranteed as long as still standing at the end.

The class generally appeared to be about working the basics so the combinations weren't overly complex, just repeated a multitude of times. I suspect there are a few people with some very sore arms today.

In terms of the higher grading attempts, it is good to see that there is no autopass and mediocrity will not be tolerated. Having said that, the judgement is balanced by age and other uncontrollable limitations.

I have found myself sucked back into the vortex of karate. Yes, GKR is a drug and I despite my best efforts at walking away, I am an addict. However, unlike before, my fitness and strength have greatly improved and it is far easier to achieve the performance I wish. Dare I say that I am actually finding enjoyment again, as much as to even look forward to my next class. The thought has entered my mind that perhaps I could try this nidan thing. Perhaps is would also be fair to say that it has been more than just a passing thought. However, I have reservations. I am not sure that I wish to go through all that stress and pressure. I am in a good place right now where I feel like I have room for cardio, kettlebells, weights, diet, work and even karate. There is a handy balance that exists there. I am not sure I want to beat myself around the head for the next six month or year or however long it is likely to take. I am also unsure as to how I may make such an achievement around work when it does resume. I guess something to play be ear for the moment...

In general, have been a tad on the snuffly side this morning although I don't actually feel sick. Decided against cardio this morning as my legs are quite sore from yesterday's kettlebell games. I went through and repeated the workout from Thursday with improvement, although I am still having some difficulty with the windmills. My left forearm is also quite significantly sore.

Will do a double tonight. No doubt it will contain contents of last night. But looking forward to it all the same. :-) Currently waiting on the delivery of our new dryer. Hooray for convenience. I should be cleaning up the garage but this stuff nose has put a block in my brain which has a rather negative impact on my general motivation. I did however, clean up my desk this morning, washing the blankets and towels as well as do the weeding. Those nasty little pebbles around the side look lovely but are going to have to go... That and I am not overly enjoying doing the duck and weave around the clothes line!

Anyhow, shall call it a day here!

So, after what seems like an eternity, I have returned to cyberspace and am developing some sort of life routine. The days are long but yet very busy. Commuting all the way to south side for visits to my PT tends to absorb much of the day.

I love "our" house and for the most part, things are in their place and organisation is better than ever before. There are still a few things in boxes in the garage and the spare room is a large wardrobe at this time but I have made it an objective to get that cleared up by the time my holidays are completed.

I am enjoying not being at work. At the moment, I don't ever want to go back. I suck at the work thing. How sad it that instead of the career driven when-will-I-have-time-for-family doctor person I thought I'd be instead, I've wound up a paramedic who would rather be a house wife. Ah well... I'm sure over the next 2.5 weeks I shall eventually get bored and want to go back to work. Ha ha.

Not much else to say... I'm not one for recollection where emotion does not persist.

I guess more of this story will come out over time. :-)

That would be about the most accurate way to describe how I feel at the moment. I'm absolutely stuffed. I got up early for gym and have been going ever since. I don't know where I would be right now if I'd had to work...

My sweetheart awoke sick during the night, burning to touch and quite diaphoretic. This would be the first time I've seen him bed ridden. He's normally a physiological fortress where as I end up in bed for days. It did prompt me to get a tympanic thermometer. I wanted one like at work but the chemist I showed up at only had the one... I'll live. The fever wasn't as bad as it felt but he was wiped out. He'd wanted to help but even if I'd let him he'd not have lasted so I spent most of the day furiously packing and cleaning and even made two trips all the way to the house and back.

Turns out his mother is also unwell... Tomorrow will indeed be an interesting day and I am beginning to feel terribly stressed and martyr like at the moment.

Diet has been less than ideal and I allowed myself bread and butter. By dinner I was ravenous and forgot about the melted frozen veg and ended up with another super carb meal. I feel nasty. Can't wait to get moved and return to a more normal life. I'd like to eat an apple right now but I'm too full. Where is my healthy food! Gah! Hooray for oatmeal though... Will have to do that again when milk returns! :-)

Tomorrow, I'm going to start with an early morning run and then hope that it all works out from there. We need to move the furniture but also dump the large items (e.g. broken office chairs), dump the garbage and do a Vinnies run or possibly Cash Converters. All in all, everything big moved before 4pm, everything else out for cleaning on Sunday and most definitely by Monday afternoon when the carpet cleaners make an entrance. *sigh*

I guess I will be signing off her for a little while. It could be a week, it could be more. Hopefully, not too long and hopefully also with good news.

I actually listened to the doctor's advice and downed a fistful of Temaze before bed last night. I still woke up but I don't really remember doing so except for the early hours of the morning. I also felt much better toady.

Signed up for broadband1 with iinet and so hopefully should be back up and running on Tuesday or Wednesday... with much faster speeds!

I went to the dump. I like going to the dump. It is a male dominated environment and I like showing off how I can reverse my car using only my side mirrors. Problem is that I reverse and leave enough space that I can open my back doors and get the stretcher out... The stretcher I don't have when I am not at work! lol! That's alright. Those same men help me back it up a bit further. ;-)

I enjoyed throwing my garbage bags as far as my arms would let me.

I did something else tonight. I returned my instructor gear. I realised tonight that it was time. I was ready to really let go. I even returned my ID card this time. I threw out every last bit of my GKR folder. All the terminology sheets, grading slips etc. Everything. I even gave away my orange and yellow tape. Now I can really say that I have moved on... I walked into the dojo one last time and I didn't feel a shred of regret or doubt. Only pride for what I had achieved in the last months. I am happy and secure. :-)

Now, the highlight of my day was getting to finally go back to our house for the first time since we signed the form offering our financial futures to the owners. It is always different when its empty but as I walked through, I knew it was right. I felt it. Everything was just bigger and better. There were good things I hadn't seen the first two times. Then I reached the two smaller bedrooms. One was pink and the other yellow. I looked at the giraffe wallpaper, the animal pictures and netting they'd left behind and I realised that was going to be my baby's room.

It was a completely overwhelming feeling and spent the next 15 minutes crying with elation. My home is perfect. I wonder what it is that I have done to deserve such a reward. What more could I ask for???

I am ever so grateful to the previous owners too. They left behind a few bits and pieces to help us including weed killer, paint, matting, tiles, potting mix, home pest control etc. There was also a really lovely hamper with a note which I've not yet had a chance to read. I just feel so privileged and thankful in a way that I can't adequately express in words. This is a memory I wish to hold on for a long time to come...

Acopia - 'The word that people in my profession, unprofessionally give to people like me when they fail to function appropriately under everyday situations'.

I've been growing increasingly stressed. Today was major break down number one. Why? Because some stupid old bat manning the phones in Department of Transport decided that any answer that I provided to place of birth question was not specific enough. So there I was squealing the details of my birth certificate down the phone before she transferred me off to some other woman with a special title. I am sure in reality it was hand off because this idiot doesn't understand that some things don't need to be verbatim and couldn't handle a psychotic sounding young woman yelling and crying down the phone. Of course, the other lady managed to do it all first time without any dramas and by this time I was a disorganised blubbering mess. Talk about being in embarrassment to myself.

I know that had I been in a better frame of mind then I would have been fine. I would have become annoyed at worst but certainly not thrown myself off the deep end. I found myself not much feeling like calling anyone else after that...

I could say a few things about Telstra right now with their stupid cost saving fibre optic rubbish which basically disables us from getting ADSL2+. Of course neither Telstra or Optus service our area with cable either. So... I am hoping to pay a few $$ extra and get semi amped up dodgy old ADSL.

On a random deviation, we went to sick little paediatric last night. 20 m/o 2/7 hx of illness, seen by GP and dx w/ common cold. Pt was fine and then suddenly erupted into a tonic clonic seizure last ~10/60 and still fitting on our arrival. Pt is febrile at 38.6 but not anywhere near hot enough to cause a febrile convulsion let alone continuous seizing.

I suction out her airway, apply an oxygen mask and get the parents to go about the task of stripping the child down and applying wrapped ice packs to axilla & groin. The seizing continues and I realise that I'm going to have to give her some Midazolam. While my poor student is running around in circles with each demand, the ICP arrives which takes the pressure off. We ended up administering 2.4mg IMI which seems to be effective. As the tx crew are about depart, she is still unconscious w/ trismus but not seizing any longer.

I can only wonder just how those parents would have been feeling, seeing their unconscious child seizing and not having a clue what was going on... I am sure their worry would have had to be more intense but I was feeling the stress myself knowing just how long the seizure had been lasting. It is different with children. It is difficult to detach and there is so much more pressure to get it all right.

I knew when we walked in the door there was something wrong. Windmills on the street aren't uncommon but when people start moving (throwing) tables and chairs and any other obstructing object to clear a path for you, it just screams of sick person.

Anyway, we have some house keys. It is all ours.... I'm excited but I'm stuffed. I want it to be over.

This is one activity that I've felt has been regularly overwhelming. I frequently get the desire not to deal with it anymore and have all remaining items disposed of... Of course, this is not the answer.

I have managed a couple of garbage bags worth of junk though from old karate belts to lecture notes and assignments. My discipline this time around has been pleasing. My charity pile is almost full too. Every draw in my desk now has space in it! Still so much to do and the house looks bombed.

Reverted to a bit of emotional eating yesterday, something which is quite unusual for me. But the straying was limited to small number of dark choc goji berries, a single ferrero rondnoir and a standard serve of apple pie. But it was all I needed. :-)

Yesterday fought the urge to find something else to do and went back on to high speed interval. Did a repeat of an alternation between 150:150 and 150:200 at 15km/hr. Got through ok so I think it is time to try 200s.

This morning I got out and did an RPM class. I've really gotten used to having the convenience of training at home except when with my PT. I wasn't feeling overly keen but got out and did it anyway. Did take me a while to warm up and the first part of the class was pain. Felt a little bit rusty bit enjoyed myself. Really think I need to try and put these session in more frequently for a bit of variety.

Found myself feeling inexplicably disgusted at one particular person in the class this morning. Looking around there was a fair mix. The usual die hard cyclist or wannabes who wear riding gear and post themselves as close to the instructor as possible, a few fit looking people in for the cardio, a couple like myself with a bit more to go and a good number of obviously overweight folks doing the hard yards. Then there was this one girl who was already obscenely lean and probably wouldn't know the definition of body fat if it leaped up and stick its finger up her nose. Her lean physique was not what bothered me. It was the total lack of effort applied. The rest of us are killing ourselves and she barely trying. The little judgemental part of me believes a person who already quite naturally has the perfect body has no right to park their tiny but in a room of people who are chasing such an ideal and then do sweet bugger all. It is insulting.

While the rest of us staggered out covered in sweat, this petite statue was seen drier than sandpaper making useless motions on one of the elliptical machines. My brain is screaming "Get out of here! Stop wasting your time and money on a gym membership and making a mockery of all those who are actually doing it for real!".

/rant

Going to get social today and meet up for a park BBQ. I've tasked my brain for self control mode. Tomorrow it will be up to me to get the pre-settlement inspection done and some additional running around. May also duck up home to drop off some of the perishables which are fated to failure due to our limited consumption capacity this week.

What a disgusting day... It is hot and muggy. Of course I've just realised that is usually the lead up to a storm and of course BOM says we'll have rain for the next two days. Glad I got the washing done today. Although would have liked to get the rest of the gis and the bed sheets done. Oh well. One day I'll have a drier.

I've been packing. Not brilliantly. It is hard to get my head into this stuff when it is just sooo hot! Every box gets a break. Nearly exhausted the good ones from the garage so will have to get some from the storage place soon. Yuck... stupid heat.

Worked out this morning. Had a terrible sleep with random dreams. Felt tragic when I woke up but managed a good session anyway. Increased weight on my Hungarian split squat to 11.5kg. Body is looking a bit strange. I've got some muscle happening but the fats not melting quite as fast. On the good side, I lost a 2cm from chest, 1cm from waist and 5cm from hips in the last month. Should learn how to measure that myself.

Also signed up for broadband. http://iinet.net.au/products/naked/plans.html If all goes well we'll be on Naked DSL home plan 2 the week after we've moved. Much cheaper than the larger competitors but I guess they have more upfront fees. It works out a heck of a lot better with iinet over the long term.

Anyway... should probably go hang up the gis and get on with some more boxes...

What a week it has been... Four days have passed and I'm barely connected with Monday.


Highlight of my week... LHMU march at George St. One a handful of ambos out to protest the QLD government offering of a poxy 3.25% wage increase. Thank you Mr. Roberts for believing that a sub-inflation level wage increase is a "reasonable offer". How much are you getting paid??? Why do you think it is fair that the paramedics who are on the front line, making decision, working long hours without meal breaks or down time and still savings lives are paid less than nurses, doctors and every other entity within the health profession?? Why is it acceptable that we are paid less than our interstate counterparts??



I can't say I'm struggling. I can't say that the union is accurately portraying our situation either. However, I am angered by the lack of wage balance as a trained professional. Where to from here???

Anyway, had a great time at the march and got to participate in the full 1.5 hour show. There is something quite addictive and liberating about protests. Can understand why it used to be a more common occurrence. Even picked myself up a cool (I'm sure someone will kick me for saying that) LHMU cap which has now become the best quality cap that I own.

The day brought other highlights as I took advantage of the work shirt ban. It felt a bit like free dress day at school. Gives a bit of a different atmosphere and with my pigtails I had the oldies asking if I was 16. There is a reason why I don't do that regularly. ;-) Also had a play with the old paper ARF. Definitely over that within 5 mins of use... The codes were a pain but it was largely the different mindset. That was one part that I won't miss.

This week saw my first use of the new Mercedes Sprinter. I had been reluctant to get into the thing but the situation was thrust upon me as I found us to be the only qualified crew to use the thing. The car is good and drives like a breeze. Hello real suspension! The stair chair is another long overdue improvement. The stretcher is the problem. It is a great deal more manoeuvrable but there is a lot more lifting involved and the action required to secure the legs is counter intuitive. Not to mention the half height is taller than the average small granny that we go to and so they have to try and leap on to the thing. Ah well... As long as I don't end up with an injury I can focus on the many benefits.

It has been a rather tiring week. As it draws to a close I've been growing increasingly fatigued and stressed. I've had a few dodgy moment with my student. Sometimes I am really not a good mentor but that is primarily related to my own personality flaws. My students is great. She will make a good paramedic and is picking things up very quickly. I need to remind myself just how new she is to the whole game sometimes.

From an exercise perspective I've found that the after work sessions haven't been great. I much prefer the mornings. I have come to the realisation though that I may well encounter some difficulties once we move. I guess I'll have to cross that bridge when I get there. Had a rest day today because every bit of my body has been telling me I'm tired for the last two days. Tuesday night's cardio did not reach full potential and my arms failed my bench press last night. But my grip strength is getting stronger so I have something to be proud of... Same routine as last time except that I hiked up to 30 mountain climbers off the bench and dropped back to 30kg for last set on bench press. That may have been more related to the new stretcher actually...

Been pretty good with my diet this week and have been ravenous the last two days. Slowly working my way through the fridge so there is as little as possible left by the end of next week. Otherwise, the switch from wheat germ to unprocessed bran has resulted in a gain in fibre content and a much happier gut situation.

The next couple of days will be busy again. Early gym session tomorrow, next dress fitting later in the morning, visit to the storage place for boxes, start packing and try organise broadband with iinet seeing Optus freaked out about fibre optic cables. lol. Packing, packing and more packing. I feel stressed just thinking about it...

Two entries in one day... wow...

The end of the day has come and I have now got a new plan of attack for the week ahead. Primarily this involves making sure that I'm eating at 3 hours rather than 2hrs 45mins. I'm not sure how much of a difference that 15 minutes makes but if my metabolism is not yet where it needs to be then I might have been throwing more food on top of undigested food resulting in fat. Think I will also have to cut the last meal on afternoon shifts and replace with a protein shake. I prefer food due to the thermic effects but after a late night wakening, I suspect it is hanging in my stomach and not doing a great deal. See how that goes.

Today we travelled to the in-laws' place to discuss plans for the next couple weeks. We had a BBQ. I wasn't very good with the self control factor and basically had to get my calorie deficit from a combined upper body weights session and cardio. But, how much did I enjoy that steak! Wondering if perhaps I've been a little too tardy with my iron supplements. I was raised a vegetarian and never really enjoyed meat but today's steak was divine!

Had a good weights session despite today's generalised extreme fatigue.

• Dumbbell Press - Increase reps from eight to 12, 11 and seven. (11.5kg)
• Dumbbell Fly - Three sets of 12 reps on 8kg. Increase next session.
• Shoulder Press - Increase reps from 3 x eight to 2 x nine and 1 x eight on 8kg.
• Side Raises - Three sets of 12 reps on 3.5kg. Increase next session.
• Single Arm Dumbbell Row - Three sets of 12 bilateral reps on 13.5kg. Increase next session.
• Narrow Lat Pull Down - Three sets 12 reps on 26kg. Increase next session.
• Lying Tricep Extensions - Increase from eight reps to 2 x 12 and 1 x 10 on bar + 2kg.
• Bicep Curl - Increase from eight reps on 6.5kg to 2 x 12 and 1 x 8 on 6.5kg.
• Cross Body Hammer Curl - Established 22, 20 & 15 reps on 8kg.

Feeling a lot more comfortable with my program now. I'm able to push myself to the point of failure and work up a good sweat. I'm finding that I'm also better able to utilise a whole body tension approach and also concentrate on the primary muscle in use. Noticing my core is also stronger.

Cardio component was me being a bit silly. My aim was to burn off 300 calories. 35 minutes of moderate intensity intervals did that. My calf muscles were oddly sore after karate last night. Not sure the reason but it did make things a little more difficult in terms of recovery. 8km/hr is now a little bit slow so I can look to bump things up next time and go a 7,9,10,11 cycle.

On a more personal note, I started on Nuvaring yesterday after a suggestion from my doctor. Hello libido... where have you been these last couple years??? I loved Yasmin because it helped me to lose weight. The change alone brought a loss of a couple kgs but it did some damage in a few other areas. I'm hoping the ridiculously low dose of Nuvaring will mean I can undo some of that. Will need to keep an eye on the weight and my mood in general, but so far so good. Unfortunately, it is pretty damned expensive. ~$70 for three rings. Ouch! As much as I'd like to do the usual skipping game it might be a tad too draining on the finances. Will play it by ear for the moment though...

Anyway, enough for today. Feeling a tad unwell actually. Rest day tomorrow I think.

I need a holiday.

It has been a bit of a long week and my work hours seem to have effectively knocked out four days of my life.

Went to karate last night. It is amazing just how much more I enjoy myself now that I've finally managed to detach from it. Every time I do train I notice the difference in my strength and fitness levels. I can do the warm up laps without feeling wasted. I can get low in stances and maintain the depth without finding it taxing on my legs or cardio. I can do kata without finishing like I've just been for a run. I have the energy to run and do the fitness activities. I can push kumite a lot harder because my cardio is in much greater shape. I've been left behind in terms of skill level there but I guess I am not all too worried. :-)

Gym has also been pretty good and have increased my weights for a few activities.

Tuesday

• 35kg bench press - 6 reps (think only managed four in final set)
• 12kg bent over dumbbell rows - ?8/10 reps
• 20kg static dumbbell lunges - 8 reps bilaterally
• mountain climbers off stability ball - 20 reps
• squats & incline push ups for warm up

Thursday

• 30kg incline bench press - 6 reps (4 on last set) - hard!
• 20kg Romanian dead lift - 8 reps
• 10kg Bulgarian split squat - 8 reps bilaterally
• 15 learner chin ups (i.e. bar at thigh height, feet flat on ground, hips lifted high and chin up action w/ arms)

Had a bit of a moment this morning. Have paid the consequences of last Saturday's eating indiscretions and didn't cope quite so well. But there could be a couple of other factors contributing to the week's weigh in...

Working with my new student has been good. I do enjoy working on an all female crew. My student is keen and a fast learner which has made things much easier. We've also not had anything too difficult, although there have been quite a number of rather random jobs.

Industrial action continues... Monday will bring a stop work rally from midday to 2pm, a ban on work shirts and a reversion to the old paper ARF. Industrial action protection ceases at midnight on Monday though so I assume negotiations will start again after that. Hopefully, we get the rise we are asking for.... Can only hope. We should at least be keeping up w/ inflation even if they insist on keep us as one of the lowest paid professions. :-S

I'm not a fan of afternoon shifts. Apart from finding them the most tiring, I feel like I'm spending my morning waiting for work to happen. Admittedly, I can achieve a great deal more, especially the 1300 start but it does still seem as if I'm filling in time.

They are also less than ideal because when I do get home it is usually after 11pm and by that time all I want to do is go to bed. Consequently, it is not an ideal time to be packing lunches for the next nor trying to do any activity that is not immediately necessary.

Oh well...

I'm finding timing of food is also more difficult and particularly today. I have a new student who may not have been to the station before and will have had limited practise with checking out a vehicle. I feel it is probably necessary for me to be there as early as possible in order that I can be able to show them around the station, organise lockers etc and run them through requirements. I am hoping it will all go well.

This morning I woke up earlier than I had expected for a late night. I've noticed that the quality of my sleep has improved dramatically in the last week or so and seems to be another positive effect of my current diet plan. I'd been planning on doing an RPM class this morning however, I was awake earlier than expected, needed to eat and was feeling less than keen to venture out to the gym. I was also reluctant to murder my legs the day prior to a training when they were already quite sore from the previous day's session. So, after much debate, I stayed home and did 40 minutes of a lower intensity interval training.

My most comfortable jogging pace is roughly 11 - 12 km/hr however, my cardio is not quite strong enough yet for me to be able to sustain it for any length of time. It actually hurts my legs more to grandpa waddle slowly for the sake of my heart not exploding! This will improve in time no doubt.

Hooked up my old walkman to the treadmill this time too. It made a big difference in terms of passing the time and generating motivation. When I get some spare time I'll look into getting a cheap MP3 player to put a compilation of more motivational music on. Until that time, the radio will do!

Anyhow, almost time to actually get on with my day. Need to remember to fill out my network access form at work or I'll be booted off in 7 days... or so the automatically generated email tells me.

Feeling a tad snowed under today.

So much to do in such a small amount of time:

• Start with brand new student tomorrow
• Need to hike up to my parents place to get my tax mail - goodness knows why it ended up there. Also need to pay that off...
• Expecting to hear from the surveyor and be hit by another $400 bill to check our boundaries are in the correct place.
• Settlement is in three weeks.
• Need investigate pest control for this place and our new home. More $$$
• Need to work out when we are moving and when we are cleaning.
• Need to look at getting boxes and actually start packing and throwing the house out.
• Have another dental appointment coming up. $300 for tooth repair.
• Second dress fitting next week and still I haven't organised appropriate underwear to be measured with as advised.

Do I even mention the rest of the wedding stuff that I need to look at??

Also starting to wonder if we have what it takes to actually properly maintain a house for the long term. There is a certain degree of relaxation that comes with renting. Our own home is our responsibility along with all damages that occur.

Think I'll be a bit happier when we finally get all this out of the way.

Anyway, got stuck into lower body weights this morning. I cut short the abs and calf work in order that I'd have enough time to get the house cleaned for the land lady. (Kind of a tad scary watching them walk around everywhere including the garden shed, mentally comparing everything to the way it used to be...)

The session was great. Made some significant gains.

Dumbbell squats - Increase from 10 reps on 10 kg to full sets on 13.5kg.
Single arm snatch - Increase from 11.5kg to 13.5kg
Dumbbell lunges - Increase from 20 reps on 10kg to full sets on 11.5kg
Straight legged dead lifts - Increase 10 reps on 11.5kg to full sets on 16kg
Angled calf raises - Increase from 10kg to 13.5kg

The final exercise for obliques involved a great deal of shoulder involvement. Increased reps from 12 to 16 however, thinking I might alter the exercise for something more focused.

The greatest problem that I am having is that my grip is still weak. My arms are giving it up well before my legs tell me they've had enough. Not really sure how to conquer this other than to keep doing what I'm doing...


Food thoughts of the Day

At some point I agreed to the presence of Cadbury Old Jamaica Rum & Raisin in the household. Problem is that those family sized blocks (of which there are now almost two) are there every time I open the fridge and I cannot justify budgeting them into my calorie count for the day. So... I will have to learn the art of self restraint as previously applied to bread.

Today, I got into soy and bought myself a can of soy beans and some tofu in an effort to broaden my sources of protein and enjoy the benefits of a food which is known for being a complete protein. However, I suspect that the soy bean, unlike the chickpea, is not going to be terribly tasty. My last experience of tofu reminded me of swallowing jellyfish. This may be a decision that I regret but I shall see what I can do. At worst, I'll stick to my soy milk and leave it at that.

Also bought myself some quick oats today to make oatmeal! Uncle Toby's BranPlus has a kick ass amount of fibre in it but oats are also very good and I miss being able to have oatmeal. Will see what I can do tomorrow with my oatmeal and a bit of unprocessed bran for the sake of fibre. :-)

61.2kg this morning! Ding, ding, ding! I had a good feeling and it was right! My body has well and truly adapted to the new diet.

Unfortunately, had a not so good day. The course provided food which was a selection of sandwiches. Argh. I love bread. I love carbohydrate. I only had the equivalent of a 1.5 whole sandwiches but I have no idea about the damage. White bread, don't know what kind of meat was on or what type of cheese and spreads used. Probably didn't need to supplement w/ additional protein bars. (Yes I've become a tad paranoid about muscle loss). So my guts aren't feeling the happiest despite the watermelon and pineapple. Yummy! Still got dinner to go.. Ughh.

This will mean a few days of returning to normal digestive function and then a really average weigh in next week. But, I'll deal with that. Three weeks since my last stray so I can't be too upset with myself. Will try and do weights and cardio (probably increasing intervals rather than the usual intensity) tomorrow, fit an RPM class on Monday before work to break up the routine.

This morning went well in terms of my HIIT. Did my runs at 15km/hr but decided to alternate between 100:150 and 100:100. It worked really well and was pushing it right at the end of the 20 minutes. Having the heart rate monitor has been a useful tool. I know that if I'm feeling tight in the chest and getting short of breath my HR is sitting around 180bpm. I tend to cope quite well with anything below that although I am aware of the strain in the 170s. Now I've just got to work out what the next step is... ie. whether I increase the distant and do an alternation or put two segments of 100:100 between. Cross that bridge when I get there.

The course was pretty good. Did end up getting a bit boring towards the end but there was a lot which I did enjoy and found very educational. It is interesting to see the difference between male and female approach as well as the individual couples there. Managed to get a bit more out of my shell today. Last night had a serious attack of the introversion and basically said nothing. Today, found my voice and ended up being nominated spokesperson for the group. I tend to speak quite well and in an entertaining manner but it frightens the daylights out of me. You'd think after all those years teaching my sport and my work and debating from high school that I would be over it....

Anyway, off to trivia tonight to experience ultra fullness.

Hectic day ahead tomorrow preparing for a visitation by the land lady. It won't be the first time but we still need to make a good impression before departing.

I've had a few really good nights of sleep and I've generally been feeling better all round. I'm wondering if my body is starting to adapt to this new diet plan.

My breakdown at present is 140g carbs, 140g protein and 70g fat. Starchy and simple carbs at the start of the day and fibrous carbs at the end of the day. Combinations of carbs and protein or fats and protein. Overall, despite the large quantities of fruit that I had been eating, I've increased my total caloric intake, eating more of each than anything before. My weekly weigh in doesn't produce the same results anymore. After being used to 0.5 to 1kg drop, I seem to be pulling ~200g. That's fine though because I'm building and maintain muscle. I know this because I am getting stronger much faster now. I know that I am burning the fat because despite what the scales say, my clothes are not fitting the same. It's just going to take me the next six months to reach the magic 57kg!

I finally graduated off complete baby weights and have progressed enough now to go on programs where I do one of two formats over a week or two.

I think also having my home weights sorted out is going to be a good help.

This morning was a great session. There was quite an obvious difference in my performance compared to the last time I'd run through the format. Ironically, I'm struggling more with my grip strength rather than the exercises themselves. Came away feeling pretty darn good.

* 30kg bench press - six reps
* 10kg standing rows - eight reps
* ??kg (>10kg) lunges - eight reps
* mountain climbers - 20 reps
* squats & incline push ups to warm up

Tomorrow morning will be an early start to slip in some intervals prior to the prep course. I've strayed a tad while I've been feeling off so I'm intending to switch it back to 15km/hr w/ 100:150 run:rest. Once I can get my 20 minutes there, I'll increase the distance again. Also going to look at slotting an RPM class back into the mix for a bit of variety.

I felt it was once again time to re-enter the blog realms and combine all my lives into one...

Today I have had the privilege of being awake. Night shift brought a rarity, unheard of in these times. We completed a grand total of two jobs and participated in approximately five hours of sleep time. Consequently, my day was functional rather than wasted.

I started the health insurance game, comparing prices and features, I went to the gym (only to be forgotten) and ran myself into a treadmill with some HIIT, cooked dinner, made lunch for tomorrow and finally, went to the dentist.

My first trip there occurred a few weeks ago upon developing a rather nasty gum infection around a wisdom tooth that has refused to full erupt. At some point I found myself agreeing to further investigation and hence, today's appointment. After somewhere between eight and ten years of choosing ignorance, my greatest fear was realised. Tooth decay. :-(

I now have my first filling. Technology has far improved. The process would have taken place over 20 minutes and didn't hurt one bet. Best of all, it is the colour of normal tooth enamel and is undetectable to the lay person. $158 dollars later... The problem is that I feel imperfect now. I can pretend it was never there cause I can't see it, but the texture on my tongue will remind me. It was my own fault. Yes, the gaps between my teeth are not really gaps at all and flossing is a problem however, the result is a direct consequence of my actions or perhaps inaction. I have no one to blame but myself.

So, in another month I will be back to spend another monumental amount getting another two of these things stuck in... They are only small, but it needs to be done. I see the dental hygiene person tomorrow who is going to blast the plaque away so I can actually floss.

Yes. It can happen to me. Man I am going to floss everyday now...